Monday, February 23, 2009

What's up here?

I have been thinking a lot in the past few days about what to do and where to go with this blog. It is mine so I reason I can go anywhere I want with it … and if you don’t like it, then you are certainly not obligated to read it, right?

I feel that I have been sharing too much of myself…or maybe just too much of the wrong parts of myself, here. K knows what I write, and has never openly expressed anything negative about it…but I am beginning to feel like maybe I should keep parts of OUR life, between us. More private. Not just out there for the “whole world” to read.

This is sounding oddly like lalana’s post in her own blog.

I feel as if I have given too much, way too much of my life, and my time to this blog and blogsphere. Maybe that sounds crazy to you, but there have been days, more than I’d like to admit, where I have spent literally hours pouring over blogs, reading, commenting, and writing myself.

Oddly it has been easy for me to talk about my sex life here, but I think it will be much harder for me to talk about my demons. The ones I am struggling with on a daily, or almost daily, basis.

I realized that the season of Lent is upon us. There are traditionally forty days in Lent which are marked by fasting and other acts of penance. The three traditional practices to be taken up with renewed vigour during Lent are prayer, fasting, and almsgiving. In my traditon some people give up a vice of theirs, add something that will bring them closer to God, and often give the time or money spent doing that to charitable purposes or organizations. I have been mulling over what to give up. What I can give up that would be meaningful, not giving up something like hang gliding …which is what my Grandfather always said he gave up!
I have decided to give up blogging here for Lent. Use that time to get back on track with my family and my life. I have quite the obsessive personality, and it’s time for me to step back and reorganize my priorities.
I may check in on your blogs here and there, but not daily as I have done in the past and when I come back after Easter, I will have a summary blog for you that recounts the past two? three? years here for my new readers as well as some idea of the “new” direction of this blog!
Happy Lent and Happy Easter!


Mike said...

Sometimes without realising it, you have reaveal too much on a blog about yourself. i`ve felt the same and i guess that`s why i don`t do a lot of those "memes" that go around. I say that because i don`t write about myself much at all, but feel that those give too much anyway about oneself for your own good.
Taking a break will do you the world of good, take it easy while your away and see you on the other side ;)


Southern Sage said...

Me and your granddaddy would be fast friends no doubt!!
I'm no quitter! But hang gliding I will readily give up!

Good luck and come back soon.

Riff Dog said...

I will miss you, but I understand completely. (Not that you were losing sleep over whether I'd understand! ;-) )

I applaud you for making a tough decision. But . . . I do hope to see you back. On your own terms. :)

lalana said...

Good for you, hon. It's not an easy decision, is it?
But then again, it's also not easy to face your own demons and put them out there for the world to see, or to look over at your other half and realize that maybe your purging and sharing has hurt them in some way.
I've reached the conclusion that I'm doing SOMETHING with the blog... I just don't know what yet. But until I figure it out, I'm talking to my husband instead of sharing there. That seems to be working well for both of us.

Keep in touch... you know how to find me.


"C" said...

I would like to just add that some things that are generally posted in blogs are more meant for the two of you in your relationship to feel closer together. There are things that I believe should only be shared with your other that makes you feel closer, you know , kinda the "Im the only one who knows this and I feel privelaged in being the only one to know this" and "special because he/she trusts me enough to listen and talk about". Im very private and I internalize things when I feel the need to assess the validity of my thoughts or my feelings sometimes.
Yes we all feel the need to be included and accepted by society for the people we are and the things we encounter but we also need to reserve some of ourselves just for that special someone so that they feel that bond with you. If the whole world knows then its just another friendship. If only that special someone knows then it becomes a bond and you share the experience. After all, isnt that what intimate relationships are about.


Victor Minx said...

Smart. no email?

See (mature)

rage said...

I get the same way too...sometimes I write stuff and then regret it later and want to take it down. I suppose that's one of the reasons why I haven't done HNT's for awhile. Well, that and because I've been in and out of the hospital for the last few months, but you get what I am trying to say.

This is your blog and you call the shots. We will still be here no matter what you decide to write about.