Monday, February 2, 2009


i am uncomfortably numb. actually not so numb but filled with the emotions that i don't deal well with . The ones i usually stuff down and ignore with food. The ones i deny. I don't even know their names i have run from them so often. I do know how they feel. sort of empty and hollow in my gut...i guess that is why i want to eat, to try and fill that spot.

is it frustration? desperation? loneliness? depression? i'm not sure. what is it that this emotion is trying to tell me? if i don't eat to cover it up, then what do i do? how do i deal with this feeling?

i don't like it. Its uncomfortable.


Nolens Volens said...

Why is that uncomfortable? Do you typically ignore them most of the day, hoping they'll go away?

lalana said...

You can't deal with them until you figure out what they are and where they're coming from... trust me, I know this from experience. You described it well, though.

A Secret Freak said...

I know uncomfortable and I know about trying to hide them beneath food.. I wish i had answers for you, but all i can say is I feel ya girl..
Hold your head high!

autumn said...

breathe deep, eat something moderate and try to sort out your thoughts. it's not good to supress them from yourself especially. i get the why you said "uncomfortable". it's just this uneasy feeling.

alexam174 said...

Something from the little book of letting go...focus on a negative or recurring feeling you have and start writing about whatever comes in your head ('gosh, it feels creepy' or 'i gotta get the laundry out of the dryer' or whatever pops in your head...) just keep writing what it feels like, what you see, whatever and eventually the thing/emotion/issue you were looking for comes up or out. Be brave and, Holly, remember something I told you a long time won't know til you go there. You've gone thru a lot and you're in a way better place than when we first met. This is where it's gonna probably get rough...this is also where the 'what if I heal this stuff and then this other stuff is no longer necessary?' Deal with that when you get there. In the mean time, work on getting in the car, for the drive, so to speak. Love ya.